Why... WHY!?!?
| Username: | If this isn't obvious, we're not going to tell you |
| Password: | You don't want some homosexual soldier putting his biography on your free page. You could lose your job and be put on trial in a public forum. I hear homosexuals float in water. |
| Verify password: | Nobody's perfect, especially you. |
| First Name: | We want to get to know you. Also, we want to know if there is a chance that you could be a beautiful woman. If your name is Chris or Terry, then damn you. Just kidding, we weren't really going to damn you. |
| Last Name: | We want to be able to tell your ethnic composition in case we need you to go to war for Mother Russia. |
| City | If you live in a city which sounds interesting, we may demand a postcard. If you live in Cleveland, we will laugh at you. Just kidding, Cleveland is a wonderful city with beautiful people who don't file defamation cases against honest, tax paying, law abiding citizens like yours truly. |
| State | We want to know if you're cold. |
| Zip | You know all that junk mail you receive via US mail?
It comes from all sorts of marketing information that various
organizations acquire over time. (Did somebody say OVERTIME?)
Credit bureaus, banks, book stores, Sears, Taco Bell, everybody
wants statistics about the interests and incomes (mainly incomes)
of the population in your area. When you go to Toys R Us and buy
$10,000 worth of Fun Noodles or Super Bubbles and they ask you for
your zip code, what do you think they are going to do with it?
They're going to send everyone in your zip code flyers about the
great deals they have on Matchbox cars and Whip Me Up Barbies. Welcome, my son. Welcome to the machine. Where have you been? It's alright, we know where you've been. |
| Country | We want to make friends in every country on earth in case we have to flee the US due to economic disaster. |
| "We want to be able to better inform you of our products and services." No, I don't know why we want it. It's the friggin internet. One thing I can say is that we WILL NOT sell it to any XXX sites or anyone else unless we really don't like you. Actually, at some point in time, we hope to have an email forwarding system going on. Get over it. Give it to us now. |