Why Censorship Is Good
Why Censorship Is Good
We at boredatwork.com feel not only that censorship is acceptable, but that it should be encouraged in every facet of life. Modern Americans cannot be trusted with an open forum of discussion such as this "Internet" thing. If people were allowed to talk about anything they pleased, who knows what sort of mayhem may occur. Let's say for example, a salary survey. If all of a sudden, people all over the "Internet" were posting information on average salaries for a given profession, the boredatwork.com staff may realize that it is being severely underpaid. They may realize that a highly skilled IT professional should NOT be making less than, say, minimum wage (for waitresses). They may want a reasonable share of money for what they do, and that's not right. I (the man) should not have to put up with this "free speech" thing which could only cause me harm in the end.
The US Constitution... where do I start. Thomas Jefferson fathered children with his slaves. Benjamin Franklin was a hippie. George Washington sold crack to homeless orphaned children (I read that somewhere). This bunch of long haired free thinking crazy people are supposed to be our founding fathers? Would you take advice from Peter Fonda or Dennis Hopper riding their Harley Davidson motorcycles through hippie farms? I (the man) certainly would not. If some long haired guy with a goatee, sandals, and a big robe came up to you and wanted to give you a hug, would you let him? I certainly would not. I do not understand how Americans have fallen for this for so long. I've put cameras in every major store. I can track when and how people spend their money via the credit bureaus. I can use the media to convince people that selling a plant is a horrible crime and that the slaughter of native Americans is heroic. Why on earth do people cling to this "free speech" thing?
Once I eliminate this whole concept of "free speech", I plan to optimize the flow of the American work force. Yes, that's right, I will make the American economy the strongest economy ever imaginable. "How, The Man, how will you do it?" "Easy," I say. At birth, every American child will have a tiny microchip embedded in their head. I will tell their parents that it is a good idea because a kid was kidnapped once. We don't want children kidnapped, so this microchip will inform me of their location. Little do the foolish sheep know that this microchip will also give me complete and total control of the thoughts of their child! Ha ha ha ha HA! Yes, once I have complete control of fifty percent of the American population, I will use my powers to destroy the remaining "free thinkers". Then, and only then, my busy little ants will produce like they have never produced before. You want America to have a strong economy, don't you? You think this is a bad idea? Are you some sort of communist? Even worse, are you a homosexual?
You fools! How dare you betray me! If you do not do as I say, every aspect of your life will become illegal. You will not be able to move faster than I tell you to move. You will not be able to drink alcohol when I do not want you to drink. You will never ever be able to use a completely naturally produced plant for medical purposes. Never! I will force you to give me fifteen percent of all the work that you perform. Finally, I will force you to watch a looped video of David Hasselhoff's live concert in German until you lose your will to live!
Hmmm... actually, I guess I've done all that already, except for that last one. Just wait... JUST WAIT! I'm plotting my moves as I speak... MUHAHAHAHAHAAA!!
Love,